This week I have been asked by many people (voices in my head), "Raymond, what do you think will happen in this World Series? What's your prediction?" Well, kind voice that whispers creepily at the worst moments, here's what I think.
I imagine the voice of Tom Hamilton or even Harry Doyle himself doing the commentary here.
Bottom of the 9th. 2 outs. The Cubs are up 4-3. Carlos Santana sings Oye Como Va to himself as he gets his lead on second base. Aroldis Chapman, now in his 4th inning of work, looks in to get the sign. The count is full on Jason Kipnis. John Adams is perched under the left field jumbo-tron leading the crowd with the beat of his drum. The crowd has turned it up to 11. The ground shakes all around Cleveland because of the noise (except in Browns stadium. It is impervious to excitement, anticipation, and any happiness whatsoever).
Aroldis kicks and fires a 103 mph heater towards home plate.
Kipnis swings and......
Miss.
Bill Murray rides a billy-goat out on the field to celebrate the end of the curse. Jake Arrieta rips out his own beard to prove his excitement! Joe Maddon looks at his team mobbing each other on the field and celebrating and thinks "why yes, my glasses do look hipsterish." Harey Carey bursts forth from his grave and wanders the streets whilst doing a Will Ferrell impression.
BUT WAIT A MINUTE!
The left field umpire races in to break up the camaraderie of the Cubs. It appears as though, YES! There's a man on the field! Charlie Sheen, the Wild Thing himself, is streaking on the field! Security is in pursuit. The Cubs are celebrating the breaking of their streak in the midst of an uglier streak, yet the umpire called time out before the pitch to Kipnis because of Charlie Sheen!
Kipnis gets back in to the box. Chapman, now disoriented because of the sight he saw (who blames him?), delivers another pitch. Kipnis doesn't miss this one. It goes deep.
Back.
Back.
Back.
Gone.
Ballgame.
Harey Carey returns to his grave. Animal Control catches Bill Murray on the goat and takes both of them to the pound. Bob Feller's statue completes his pitch. Ohioans everywhere wait in anticipation of Kipnis to take his talents to South Beach, and once he reassures them that he won't, they begin to celebrate. Chief Wahoo smiles even more. And even Corey Kluber manages to smirk. The Indians are World Series champs!
The most improbable end to an even more impossible series. No matter the outcome, it's been a wild and crazy World Series. Happy game 7, everybody! Here's to baseball.
(and go Tribe)
